DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new workout routine at the gym, and I’ve run into a situation with one of the regulars.
This person keeps giving me unsolicited advice and corrections about my form during my workouts. I know he means well, but it can feel intrusive and even discouraging.
I’m all for improving my form and getting the most out of my workouts, but I want to find a way to address this situation politely without causing any awkwardness.
How can I address this situation respectfully and maintain a positive gym environment?
— Unsolicited Gym Advice
DEAR UNSOLICITED GYM ADVICE: I can only imagine how annoying that person is to you, no matter how well-meaning.
You may want to engage a trainer at the gym for a few weeks so that this person can see that you are getting professional help — and to ensure that you are doing your workout correctly and not hurting yourself.
When you stop seeing the professional, if the other gymgoer jumps back in to offer advice, you can say thank you, but you are following the lessons from your instructor.
You can also just say thank you for wanting to help you, but you want to work out alone. Put on headphones and play music. When the person comes over, you can nod but not listen to the advice. If you ignore him, eventually he will go away.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 16-year-old teenage daughter landed a part-time job this semester, and I can tell she’s really feeling the pressure of trying to juggle work, school and her social life all at once.
I want to support her independence and growth, but I can see how stressed-out she is getting.
I’m trying to figure out how to help her balance this workload without swooping in and taking over everything. I want to be there for her and guide her without stepping on her toes, making sure she learns what commitment means.
What would you suggest is the best approach for this?
— Teen Work-Life
DEAR TEEN WORK-LIFE: My advice is to step back and allow your daughter to figure it out for herself.
If you helicopter-parent her, she will not learn how to deal with mistakes, how to manage time or how to get up when she falls down. She has to live her life and experience these things in order to learn and grow.
Yes, it might be hard for you to keep your mouth shut if you notice her slipping up on occasion. But you need to give her space to live her life and experience these things.
That doesn’t mean you completely say nothing, but it does mean that you aren’t there course-correcting at every turn.
Let your daughter know that you are always there for her when she needs you, but you want her to learn how to manage her life herself. This experience will be an invaluable lesson for her future, and letting her do it on her own is a gift.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
