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Reviews
John Carpenter's Suburban Screams: House Next Door (2023)
The most Carpenter episode of the mini series
The supernatural overtones, the endearing budding teen romance, the fantastic Carpenter style 80s synthesizer music soundtrack, this episode could fit nicely amongst nostalgia heavy shows such as Stranger Things or even be beefed up into a feature length Carpenter movie.
A historically haunted house which either "sucks in souls" directly or goads the occupants into committing horrendously violent crimes, may sound cliché to modern standards but could still be horror gold if handled wisely, for example by maestros like Carpenter.
My major gripe with this episode is that the ending feels rushed as if the production team run out of time and budget, simply wrapping it up with the expositions by the interviewee, leaving so many questions unanswered.
65 (2023)
Nothing special other than an over hyped twist revealed even from the trailer
Survival on deserted environments, done many times. Advanced technology clashing with primitive/ ancient earth, be it with the environment or human society, done a few times.
65 (million years ago) borrowed so many elements from previous works such as Outlander and After Earth, and failed to surpass any of the predecessors.
Like slapping luxury fashion labels on dollar store quality items and asking for ridiculous astronomical prices, it is a generic sci-fi survival story with an uninteresting redemption arch and a father-daughter style character dynamics with hardly any chemistry, yet the creators and the studio of the movie try so hard to sell and reminding the audiences, at any chance they get, that all this happened on prehistoric earth, that the protagonists are in fact "aliens". No one cares.
Even though Adam Driver tries his best to deliver an emotional performance, but the entire work, from the characters to the situations to the story, the plot, the invested stakes, are all so un-engaging.
It would at least worth the ticket or streaming cost if there were at least time travel or more personal sacrifices or how the characters actions affected earth in the long term peppered in. But of course, non of that happened either.
Pixels (2015)
The story and the script are brainless, non sensical, illogical, just stupid plain and simple
At least Chris Columbus had fun making it.
Horrible script, some horrible characters, and some bad acting, it's all about the visuals and cashing in the nostalgia. Even the behind the scenes special features were focusing mostly on merely the special effects and visual spectacles, which says a lot about the story and script itself.
Columbus and most of the casts and crew were either in it for the pay cheques or in some off chance genuinely try to make the best of it off the awful script, but they could only do so much to polish a turd.
The original short is a post modern masterpiece with a somewhat ominous ending. But to fluff it up into a feature length movie with colourful visuals, a funny tone, and a happy ending, unfortunately the studio hired someone with barely the writing skills and intelligent of a preschooler to do it. Hard to believe the writers still get to make a living as writers in Hollywood afterwards. Being credited for penning Pixels on their resume should be the equivalent of a criminal record.
Seriously, does the writers even know how cheat codes worked, not to mention applying it in real-life settings? How did only one low-res pixelated character become lifelike (though Ashley Benson is indeed super attractive)?
If you want a movie about video game nostalgia, watch the original Wreck it Ralph. Watch this movie if you only need a time filler or want to learn what not do when writing a screenplay, script, or story.
True Lies: Bitter Sweethearts (2023)
Nice call back episode
Nice to have Tom Arnold guess starring in an episode of the serie reboot of True Lies and bring back so much nostalgia bits. Be it the series build partly on the nostalgia factors, it does some nice fan service bringing back bits such as the Ruger, the"getting out of the van"remark, the villain's "yes!" after firing a rocket, and the whole "ice cube trays" line from the movie. (I totally thought Tom Arnold was gonna do the "you are fired" line near the end) .
And the whole killed on a boat but comes back from the dead and reveals to be the villain reminds the audience so much of Bennet from "Commando" which is another nice Schwaznegger nostalgic classic.
The "crazy paranoid" ex-operative jumping out of nowhere bit is also straight up "RED".
Accused: Ava's Story (2023)
Unrealistic, overly irrational, overly subjective
This episode is someone's wet dream, being it the writer(s)'s or some individuals'.
For the record, hearing/auditory challenged individuals have all the rights to pursue the lifestyle, occupation, education, and opportunities etc. They aspire to. For example, the ability to maximize their auditory ability through surgery, augmenting implants, or other medical/therapeutic means. Or, choose to adopt a sign language system if it suits their needs the best.
However, "Ava's story" portraits a hearing challenged surrogate mother Ava, who is not only unbearably egocentric by projecting her grossly subjective speculations and making it her version of reality and narrative; but also so appallingly self righteous, it borders pathological narcissism.
Ava believes that she has baby Lucie's best interests at heart, that the parents are not suitable for the baby because of the experience from her own upbringing, and that a surgical procedure without the baby's consent is not legally progressive, resulting in Ava "studying" the adoption law to find an enforcement loophole in Michigan, also having the entitled audacity to go to the supreme courts and "change the law".
Ironically enough that at the opening, Ava was studying for a test on joint replacement surgeries, procedure which helps many regain quasi full functions. Yet she accuses Lucie's parents' decision of surgery or implants to make the baby "like them" is backward, that being "normal" is not an inclusive progressive notion. She even falsely compares auditory surgery to "gay treatment". Well, "normal" isn't a bad word unless you spin it that way, or let's reword here, not "normal", fully functional or at least quasi fully functional.
The driving mentality in Ava or in this episode is the unfounded and ungrounded narcissistic over compensating belief that "I'm deaf and that makes me better than you." ASL might be a beautiful language, but did you know that sign languages are highly localized, that there are 300 different types of sign languages in the world and they could not effectively communicate between each other? Mastering sign language might cognitively develops certain nexus paths for one's brain, but that doesn't mean an infant's access to a normal or almost normal sensory function via a surgery with benefits usually out weighting the risks should be denied by someone who has no custody nor rights over the infant.
In the writer's/Ava's rose tinted reality, a mess of a situation that has free fall spiralling written all over, with police officers not responding to Amber Alerts promptly but approaching a vehicle straight up guns blazing, with Ava's partner KJ who used to be the voice of reason goaded to commit perjury, with the court of law and legal proceedings which ought to be based on proofs, evidences, facts, reasoning, and human compassion, reduced to a game of "make the jury like you" and a farce of emotional manipulation, with an ending adding insult to injury on the joke of a US justice system, it all eventually made it to the screen.
For all that, I say, whatever, 50 minutes of my life wasted.
Manjianghong (2023)
Something more important than even life and death
First things first, to hell with the review bombers and those karens and chads who over politicize the movie.
As the cinematography of overlooking the maze-ish mansion and in and out layers of walls, "Full River Red" is about peeling off layers of deceit and smokescreens and the revelations of truths after truths.
What initially appears to be the investigation of the assassination of a Jurchen (Jin) envoy revealed to be attempt to uncover the evidence of collusion committed by a rotten prime minister, which revealed to be an elaborate plot to assassinate the said rotten prime minister, which revealed to be the attempt to reveal the final words of Yue Fei, the general who stood up against the Jurchen invasion but was framed and executed by the primi minister Qin Hui and the emperor of Southern Song.
Cowards revealed to be heroes, strangers revealed to be comrades, villain showing remorse revealed to be the villain's double who finally got to relieve his burden and sacrifice himself for an ideal.
The movie is about revelations, about sacrifices, and about ideals. The death of the envoy became irrelevant, the letter proving the collusion and treason became irrelevant, the tragic and somber sacrifices and deaths can even become irrelevant, since the odds and the rules and the entire system is already against them, the protagonists know they are in a sure death situation and powered through, not for a mere evidence letter, not for the worthless life of a weaselly prime minister, but for the last words poem of a fallen hero and more importantly the heroism, patriotism, and dignity the poem carries and stand for.
The movie, with some minor flaws, such as the awkwardly word for word translated title, and not providing subtitles for the Henan Opera inspired soundtracks, is trying to tell the fictionalized tale of how idealisms such as sacrifice, conviction, heroism, patriotism, and dignity are revealed, inspired, preserved, inherited, and carried.
Slash/Back (2022)
Seriously?
Sure, Inuit culture representation and showcase we could get behind, and the imbedded "taking lands" protest message, as obvious as Maika's "no justice on stolen land" jacket and the "land back" in end credits, is a constant actual struggle the First Nations have to deal with in Canada or North America as a whole. However, critics and media and even many casual audiences and imdb reviewers can't ditch the political "emperor's new clothe" and be frank about the fact that "Slash/Back" is a formulaic, student film quality, non sensical mess, with uninteresting/dislikable characters, and tons of missed opportunities.
Some hyped the film up to be "attack the block" meets "the thing", well yeah, because it feels like it copied both. The parasitic alien invading and infesting a remote and marginalized community, with only a few pre-teens standing up against them, and the leader of the group is a somewhat self loathing little "shithead" who rebelled against her own culture and heritage, dreaming someday to escape the town, and get away from her embarrassing parents, sounds all too familiar? Thought so.
The main protagonists consist of the leader "rebel", the loud mouthed and always weaselly scheming "clown", the relatively rich and well off cowardly "princess", and who seemed to be the main protagonist's "bestie" who share the same crush on a dimwitted male, leading to potential tension and drama with the main protagonist. Plus a younger sibling tailing the main lead or the group. Again, sounds familiar? What's worse is that most of these main characters are uninteresting and had virtually shown no character arches nor growth, except for the main lead who in such stories in the end will always have to come to terms with who they are and reconcile with their estranged loved ones, of course.
The film used mainly amateur talents, and for the main characters, the amateurish quality really shows, even the younger sister Aju and the mumbling grandma are natural, relaxed, and most of all interesting in front of the camera. But for the four main leads, other than Leena (the princess) who the young actor played the character relatively convincingly, the other three's performance were wooden, hammy, forced, for lack of a better word: acting. Let's just say give them time and room to grow.
The parasitic aliens, with the splitting tentacles design copied from Deep Rising, Men in Black 2, or Stranger Things, could have been nightmare-fuel gold. Parasitic, infectious, skin snatching, body mimicking, if tapped in properly, we could have some awesome paranoia thrill like the Thing or some good old zombie style "close loved ones turned enemy" or simply 28 Days Later type horror of the hoard. The two "skins" gave great performance, all the twitching, contouring, and reverse crab walking, kudos to the movement performers. But the infected polar bears and moose are nowhere to be found in the second act, budget issues? None of the aliens' motives, plans, nor even weaknesses and how they could be killed were clearly shown. Most of the main leads' observation and conclusions on the aliens seemed to be pure speculations or assumptions, which were poorly supported and often inaccurate. The aliens appeared to be hard to damage nor kill earlier in the film, get killed without much effort or even much sense/ reason later in the third act and "climax". The metaphor that the aliens mimic to "get close" so they can "suck blood" to stay alive and maybe even power the "meat ship" could have been great analogy on the colonialism and treatments towards the aboriginal population, but the film never truly go there. The main characters lack of the intel on their enemies, not even the anatomy of aliens. They just assumed they "killed" them. And when the only two human shaped "skins" were killed and the alien ship/hive roared, and the parasitic tentacles all just miraculously/ senselessly die, the main characters gathered and moronically cheered and celebrated since they "scared away" the aliens. Is that stupid, or pathetic?
Overall, great premise and alien concept, though however unoriginal they may be, wasted on a low brow low quality project, when we could have something more dark, horrifying, profound, and still being able to ensure First Nations representation and address serious aboriginal issues.
Be the way the comments made by the main characters about how their parents always get piss drunk and become "their problems", was that supposed to be actually addressing concerns about substance abuse in the aboriginal community or trivializing the matter and playing into stereotypes? I can't really tell.
12 Strong (2018)
Typical
Seeing this promotion/propaganda of the shining american values movie, which is barely holding up to the "based on true events" claim, reflecting on the disastrous failure america had in Afghanistan and in Middle East, you'll realize that it's no mystery why america fails. In this movie, as some critics pointed out, you can hardly tell between the Northern Aliance and the Taliban and Al Qaeda, because the movie makers didn't care about telling them apart, because america didn't care about telling them apart. They are all just the backward, narrow minded, uncivilized savages or even sand ni****s to america. Peel off all the propaganda, america do not give a s**t about Kuwaitis, Iraqis, Afghanis, nor in the most recent case, Ukrainians. The only difference between friends and fowls, is who can be used and who is in the way at the moment, in the eye of america. If your hearts was never in the right place, failure is only a matter of time. Wake up from your wet dreams america, you never were great, and you never will be, and now your days on your perceived top, are numbered.
Stuber (2019)
Stuber? Stupider
Formulaic and predictable story and plot, senseless decisions and choices, way way way to much gratuitous yelling and screaming by Bautista and Nanjiani. It's loud, it's messy, it's all over the place.
The muscle bound Mr. Magoo troupe only serves as the weak plot device to barely tie the two male leads together and add some bland slapstick bits.
We had Nanjiani, we had Drax and Nebula, we had Rama, but their talents are mostly wasted and did not get to realize their true capabilities as comedic or action powerhouses either in their own domain nor against type. Apparently, only Scott Lawrence and Mira Sorvino did relatively better in their smaller supporting roles.
A few good action set pieces and banters aside, this is mostly a movie you leave on tv when nothing better is on while you are playing with your smartphone.
The Thing About Pam (2022)
Infuriating and thought provoking
The limited serie does have its shortcomings such as the hasty production as well as lagging and wasting the limited allotted episode capacity to only the case of Betsy Faria, while the real Pam Hupp, a possible psychopath and all around evil being, who looked nothing like the weird prosthetic makeup over Zellweger, had at least two to three deaths in her hands: allegedly Betsy Faria, possibly Shirley Neumann (Hupp's own mother I might add), and Louis Gumpenberger, which Hupp was actually convicted and serving a life sentence for, almost 5 years after the death of Faria. All the lives Hupp manipulated, deceived, destroyed, and killed, left out by the show's tunnel vision.
Besides Pam Hupp, the gravely flawed and corrupted justice system, from the police to the DA to the judge to the media, reflect on america's crumbling society and brings chills to one's back and sickening feeling in one's stomach. From the 50s to the 90s to even the early 2010s when the murder of Betsy Faria took place, the unjust american justice system still continues to operate like a clunker car or a really unfunny joke. While what the show depicted were somewhat exaggerated for drama, in reality some of these people responsible for letting Hupp get away and Russel Faria wrongfully incarcerated remain unapologetic to this day. And what happened with Faria's case is merely what we are acknowledged and made aware of among countless wrongful convictions and imprisonments which had happened, are happening, and sure will keep happening in the "great country" of america.
The Cleaning Lady: The Icebox (2022)
This is the real modern U-Ass-A
This episode put what was on news reporting years ago back into perspective again. How the corrupted "good guys" of the american justice and law enforcement system use anything possible as leverage on those who have no other choices to risk everything for some suits' case and career.
The scenes from the detection centre are appalling while the reality is actually even darker than the dramatizations.
4400: Group Efforts (2022)
The episode with the messiest plot line so far
Feels like they are either trying to fit as much information into the allotted episodes as possible or they simply don't have the budget to film the needed stories, the episode is presented with so many sub storylines but contents are edited so heavily it seemed that many scenes and sequences are missing and simply leaping into the next plot point. The episode felt crammed and boarder lines incomprehensible.
4400 (2021)
A timely remake as a commentary and reflection on the current america
This latest remake at the time of post-drumpf america reflects heavily on the issues such as racial tension, police brutality, xenophobia, immigrant and refugee treatments etc. How the show cast black, minority, and marginalized caucasians e.g. A transgender and birth defect as the victims of the policy and system; while most other caucasian characters are antagonistic bureaucrats and fascist power abusers, are a bit on the nose but exactly what america needs right now. And seeing the conservative/right-wing mentality driven review bombing on this remake only further proves the point.
The Lost + Heroes + X-Files meshup concept works for the audiences and the market, my only bone to pick with the show is that the production value and casting makes it somehow feels like bunch of in school or freshly graduated film school students eventually crowd funded or found only a few backer to get the project made. Some of the casts looked way too young to be convincing as parole officers or carrying seriously heavy and brooding relationship based emotional baggages.
FBI: International (2021)
Xenofobia presented by Dick Wolf and the backing american propaganda
It's just formulaic to portrait foreign, namely European law enforcement authorities as corrupt, judgmental, unprofessional, and just overall bad at upholding justice for the american interests abroad.
So america, just so america.
Monster Hunter (2020)
Visually entertaining sequences here and there but an editing failure
It is what it is, a video game adaptation, a low concept popcorn flick with possible chance of franchising, a Paul W. S. Anderson and Milla Jovovich couple project and etc.
Visually you can see a lot of shots and elements borrowed from lots of other movies: Pirates of the Caribbean: at World's End, 300, Clash of Titans remake, Scorpion King, Transformers, Reign of Fire, Godzilla: King of Monsters, Attack on Titans, and so on and so on.
Plot and story-wise there is nothing new still and rather predictable. We know generally where the story generally is gonna go and what the production team want with it, world building, characters set up, opening opportunities for a few sequels. But with all that in mind, the movie bit off way more than it could chew and turned supposedly one feature film into a 103 minute pilot episode. It tries to get so much and end up getting none of them fully done. If the boxoffice and market dictates that this franchise is not happening, then this movie will definitely feel more like it ends on a very very sour note.
FBI: Most Wanted: Silkworm (2020)
Another effort of China slandering
There we go again, some bottom of the barrel writers cook up a story with the Interchangeable "enemy nation", and this time of course, China, the easy target, approved and produced by "the Dick", and performed by some non-Chinese Asians speaking some of the worst Mandarin possible, because talented Chinese actors with the right moral won't take such jobs. It's just so petty that some americans still pathetically and naively believe that america is still or will be a "great nation", and will do any low deeds to smear and slander other up and coming countries, particularly China.
Harley Quinn: 'Til Death Do Us Part (2019)
Tonally off to a great start
If DC is determined to make a Deadpool-ish dark comedic animated serie, the first episode/pilot showed it is tonally at the right footing at least for now. Giving the DC characters more comedic but not solely satirical human treatment avoided the quite so often "so dark, heavy, and serious, it's laughable" DC trope. There may be a keeper, we shall see.
Bai lian xie shen (1993)
A 97 minutes each 3 film franchise that feels like close to 3 hours each and a lifetime together
This was clearly a trend following project after the success of some other period costume martial arts/ WuXia movies starring the likes of Jet Li in the early 90s. White Lotus Cult was set as the first of a trilogy with the main character Tie Qiao San, the overall story arch could have been formidable with a love triangle and two rather powerful villains in the first and last instalments. However, it did not ever happen. Even though it was a co-production between mainland and hongkong film companies, the production value was at best barely better than the flicks produced by the hk triads at that same time. Anachronisms overwhelm the movie in the mise en scene, the characters, and the plots.
The male protagonist is not likeable and grossly blend, not to mention gravely lack the charm and star power.
The two female leads, played by Chuan-Chen Yeh and Fennie Yuen, were supposedly great characters through out the franchise, were given only little than not much to do. The female supporting role played by Lily Lee, was supposed to be a crucial mentor figure from the second act of the first movie on ward, was not given much dimensions to expand. The slightly over the top villain played by the late Ji Chunhua was the only saving grace for the first movie.
The major driving conflict in the first movie, the menacing White Lotus clan, end up feeling rather low stake and uninteresting thanks to poor execution from script to film.
Stylistically, the first movie struggles to awkwardly find footing between the martial arts fantasies which emphasize Chi/inner power, and the relatively more realistic, although still wire heavy styles of films with the likes of Once Upon a Time in China and others.
Tonally, the movie and the trilogy altogether tries to copy the formula and balance serious subjects, martial arts, and comic relief within each movie, but end up being none of the three.
In conclusion, not interesting, not entertaining, not exciting, and god awful pacing. One star for the fight choreography, note it was fight choreography, not action set pieces for it virtually had none.