- Wally Sparks: I hear in Canada you only have sex doggy style; that way you can both see the hockey game.
- Wally Sparks: [Wally has exposed the affair between the Judge and Lola] Wow. it's looks like he's been banging more than his gavel.
- Wally Sparks: [Wally has just scratched his back against a woman] Thanks honey, stick around I might get jock itch.
- Wally Sparks: Folks, the first half of this show has been pretty amazing and the second half is no different. And I'm going to start the second half by telling you...
- [Wally stands up]
- Wally Sparks: ...I can walk. I've been faking it, pretending I was hurt for my own selfish reasons. You know, this may be my last show. A lot of people don't think I should be on TV anymore. Maybe they're right. I'm only sorry for all the pain and suffering I caused the Governor and how I hurt this sweet, innocent girl.
- [Wally approaches Lola and rests his hand on her shoulder]
- Wally Sparks: Look at that virgin smile. A babe lost in the woods. And you wanted to be an actress, didn't you?
- Lola Larue: That's right. Disney movies.
- Wally Sparks: Oh, I'm sure you'd be right at home with Pinocchio.
- [a kazoo sound is played]
- Wally Sparks: Well tonight, you're in luck, honey! It so happens we have a clip of your acting debut. Roll it, Sandy!
- Sandy Gallo: [to a tech] Go.
- [a porn video plays of Lola performing oral sex on Ron Jeremy and smiling at the camera plays]
- Wally Sparks: Where'd you learn to study, honey, down under?
- [Lola looks at Judge Williams, both horrified]
- Wally Sparks: She gives a new meaning to "method acting."
- [the crew in the room laugh and gossip as Lola fluffs her hair after the climax]
- Wally Sparks: Hey, with this role, your acting career really got a head start.
- Wally Sparks: Remember folks, every man has his tale of woe. Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tale.
- Wally Sparks: [the Judge hits Wally in the butt with a sword; to camera] ooh, he got me right in the touché.
- Wally Sparks: Adios Judge
- [slides down railing almost hits his groin on a railing sphere]
- Wally Sparks: Aaahhh! Get me a ball buster.
- Wally Sparks: [sword fighting the judge] can't we talk this over
- [saber nearly stabs him]
- Wally Sparks: Ooh, I see your point.
- Wally Sparks: [the Judge narrowly misses slashing Wally instead cuts flowers from a vase] fresh cut flowers.
- Wally Sparks: [notices a couple making out] you two should find a room
- [sees an obese couple making out]
- Wally Sparks: you two should find a warehouse.