The couple that plays together, stays together, according to relationships gurus who love clichés in cutesy rhyming couplets, but the one thing usually getting in the way is that other four-letter word: work.
Beyoncé and Jay-Z - just your average, relatable married couple - have found the perfect way to make sure they see plenty of each other while they're off earning a crust: they're going on tour together again. Their On The Run 2 Tour - the name must have taken them ages to come up with - sees the duo play the UK together for the first time, kicking off in Cardiff. I wonder if Bey and Jay will do a quick stop-off at the famous Chip Alley for a rissole and chips.
Working with your other half is a whole other kind of relationship. Whether you're in business together, or simply both someone else's employees but own the same building, the rules are very, very different. Any credit or perks you might enjoy at home do not (usually) carry over into the workplace, although it's very likely that any gripes or disagreements happening over the breakfast table will come with you through the revolving doors. So how can you make sure your job doesn't become a home-wrecker?
A limit on shop-talk
I have some exclusive news: "Hey babe, how was work today?" is pretty much a rhetorical question any day of the week, with the asker expecting only a "fine" or a "hellish" followed perhaps by two or three minutes of vague explanation about people they've never met, to which they are not expected to react. Just because you work together and thus each know the cast of characters involved, it's no excuse. Nobody wants to hear about your day unless: you met someone famous; you won something, like a car; you've killed someone and need help burying the body; or they were giving out free soy yoghurts at the station and you have one left over. That's it. A definitive list.
Separate spaces for home-working
If you both work from home, abandon the idea it would be cute to work together in the same room so you can feel like you're in an office, but with someone you love. Look forward to arguments over music, passive-aggressive comments about your tea-making skills, and being interrupted by concerns over the gas bill. Separate rooms. On different floors if you can.
Respect each other's routines
Similarly, when working from home, remember they might have different needs from you. You like your lunch at 12pm, they like it at 1pm. They rise a little later, you're up at sparrow's cough, hammering at your keyboard like you're throat-punching your nemesis. In an office, you wouldn't turn up at everyone's desk demanding they all take their lunch break at the same time as you, would you? Or maybe you would. Anyway, don't.
Accept their work personality
We all act like different people at various times of the day, depending on mood, situation and the amount of pressure we're under. Most of us are like virtual-reality versions of ourselves at work, whose only quest is not to get fired. It can be a shock, at first, to see the person you had tender, emotional sex with that morning turn into a Tasmanian devil in a sales meeting, or watch your usually confident companion kow-tow to a sadistic manager. But that's just how it is, and you're better off not in giving them any crap for it or, even worse and the most cardinal of sins, calling them out as a fake.
Leave the arguments at home
You won't. First chance you get you'll be marching them into a photocopying room and reminding them they spent too long in the shower that morning. The main reason not to do this is actually for the benefit of the wider world - your colleagues don't want to hear this sh*t. Trust me, your domestic life is very boring; just talk about last night's TV and your paralysing fear of World War III at the water cooler like everyone else.
Do your share at home
Don't assume your job is more important or that because you are in a position of seniority at work, it can be like that at home. "Oh, well, I saw you weren't that busy today in the office so you should make dinner/clean the bathroom/take the dog out." The last thing you want to do is turn work into a stick to beat them with at home. Unless you're looking to live on your own but aren't very good at breakup speeches.
No romantic stuff at work
Again, this will make your colleagues want to die. It's absolutely disgusting. The only way this is acceptable is if you both work in the porn industry. But even then, easy on the emotional connection - this is not what everyone's here for. And definitely no sex at work. Bonking at the boardroom may look good in the movies but somebody is going to have to clean that!
No bitching about personal life to colleagues
Will you please leave these poor people alone? All they want to do is come into work, do their thing, go home, and spend their earnings on something nice. It's dull as hell, extremely unprofessional, and word will get back to your partner. Workplaces thrive on gossip, which is great until you're the main storyline.
No bitching about colleagues at home
All you have to do is put one thing wrong with your partner and they'll be in work the next day telling Janet in accounts that you said a toddler could add up faster or dropping you in it with Creepy Bob from the mailroom over what you said about his scarily long fingernails.
Get off the stage and let her sing
Ah, sorry, no, this one's just for Jay-Z. We love you Jay but we really want to see Beyoncé lose her mind to "Crazy In Love" so could you give her a good half-hour to rattle through the hits before you come back on? Cheers, mate.
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