“Was Hanschen nicht lernt, lernt Hans nimmermehr.”
(What little Johnny can’t learn, old John will never learn.)
— German proverb
I could listen to Anne Koehler’s delightful German accent all day. Our interview took place at Indiana University Northwest’s library where she is head of the inter-library loan department. In other words, she orders books and articles needed by students and faculty members that are not in stock at IUN.
Koehler, 82, lives in Burns Harbor and is a member of the Portage Historical Society. Budweiser is her beer of choice.
***
How long have you worked at IUN?
“For 29 years. I’ll be here until they kick me out.”
From what part of Germany are you from?
“Northern Germany. Real close to Denmark. We speak low German. I speak both high and low German. A person who can only speak high German could not understand low German. Low German is closer to Danish, English, Dutch and all those languages. High German evolved from low German.”
You’re a Lutheran.
“I am. Northern Germany is Lutheran, potatoes and beer. Southern Germany is Catholic, dumplings and wine.”
What year did you come to America?
“In 1960. I was 25.”
Tell me more about the first 24 years of your life.
“We lived on a farm. This is a photograph of my parents house.”
Holy wiener schnitzel! It’s a mansion.
“Sometimes farmers had big homes. It has 30 rooms. My nephew owns the house today. Here is a photo of me milking a cow on Easter morning of 1955. I had celebrated the night before and wasn’t feeling so good. This is a photograph of my grandfather. Everyone said he looked like (Sigmund) Freud.”
That he does. What do you miss most about Germany?
“The fresh seafood. On one side we had the Atlantic Ocean and on the other side we had the Baltic Sea. The man with the fish wagon would come to town twice a week. All the cats would follow him. I’d have to say smoked eel is my favorite. I can’t get it over here. I have people smuggle it in when they visit me from Germany.”
Education?
“I attended Gudewerdtschule.”
Anne, that ridiculously sesquipedalian word you just gutturally uttered is a perfect example of why Germans don’t play Scrabble.
“Ja wohl (Yes). The Germans have a knack of putting nouns together. If you want to read a funny story, read Mark Twain’s ‘The Awful German Language.’ Some people complain about the language in (‘The Adventures of) Huckleberry Finn,’ but that’s how people spoke. I like Mark Twain.”
Me, too. Let’s switch gears. World War II?
“I remember the planes flying over to bomb the city of Kiel where the submarine factory was. I also remember Hitler shouting on the radio. He would tell the people he was going to make Germany great again. There were scapegoats. There was fear mongering. No. 1, Hitler shut down the press.”
What did your parents think of Der Führer?
“Unfortunately, my dad and his brothers were enthused by Hitler. My grandmother was not. They would have bitter arguments. My grandma would try to talk sense into them. She saw what was happening. Grandmother lived with us.”
Hilter was born on one of the astrological cusps.
“April 20. We were forced to memorize that.”
A year after you emigrated to the United States, the Berlin Wall was erected. Your thoughts?
“Walls throughout history have not worked. They are ineffective. That includes the Berlin Wall and the Great Wall of China.”
President Donald J. Trump?
“The man reads no books. He owns no books. That was in the biography. He thinks he can just wave his hand and it will be done. But guess what? Doesn’t work, always.
“Did you see when Trump mentioned to Angela Merkel that what they had in common was they were both spied upon by Obama. Merkel just gave him the look.”
I can’t help but think of the infamous base-running gaffe during the 1908 pennant race between the New York Giants and Chicago Cubs. Fred Merkle, a rookie, cost the Giants the National League title. The miscue is known as “Merkle’s boner.”
“I didn’t become an American citizen until 1972. I wanted to be able to vote against Nixon.”
Final thoughts?
“Jeff, I don’t often brag about Germany, but they’ve had affordable health insurance for over 150 years. Why is it such a big deal here? Socialism is like a dirty word. A big no no. Public schools and public streets are socialism.”
***
From one social Democrat to another, I had to ask Anne whether or not the German word for brassiere really is keepsemfromfloppin.
With a chuckle, Frau Koehler assured me it’s bustenhalter.
Jeff Manes is a freelance columnist for the Chicago Tribune.
