It’s never true to hate yourself or condemn yourself. — Martha Beck
Dr. Martha Beck (@themarthabeck) has been called “the best-known life coach in America” by NPR and USA Today. She holds three Harvard degrees in social science and has published nine non-fiction books, one novel, and more than 200 magazine articles. The Guardian and other media have described her as “Oprah’s life coach.”
Her recent book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller and an Oprah’s Book Club selection. Her next book, Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose, is expected in early 2025.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Castbox, YouTube Music, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. Watch the interview on YouTube here.
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The transcript of this episode can be found here. Transcripts of all episodes can be found here.
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What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Want to hear an episode with our cherished mutual friend Boyd Varty? Listen to our conversation here in which we discussed the origins of the Londolozi Game Reserve, the ancient lineage of the Shangaan trackers, the hardest animals to track, living 40 days and 40 nights in a tree, beehive algorithms, trauma recovery, ceremony work, the meaning of Ubuntu, and much more.
SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE
- Connect with Martha Beck:
Website | Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn
- Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity, and Finding Your Life’s Purpose by Martha Beck | Amazon
- Bewildered Podcast
- The Gathering Room Podcast
- The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck | Amazon
- The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Tim Ferriss | Amazon
- Boyd Varty — The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life | The Tim Ferriss Show #571
- The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life by Boyd Varty | Amazon
- Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith by Martha Beck | Amazon
- Londolozi Game Reserve
- Full Circle by Dave Varty | Amazon
- The Lion Tracker’s Guide To Life Quotes by Boyd Varty | Goodreads
- How to Track Your Life’s Purpose | Martha Beck
- The Porcupine and the Tamboti Tree | Londolozi Blog
- Tracking Lion | Londolozi Blog
- “Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology Is Indistinguishable from Magic.” | CCCB LAB
- Fear-Setting: The Most Valuable Exercise I Do Every Month | Tim Ferriss
- Lamont Library | Harvard Library
- The Rhodora by Ralph Waldo Emerson | Academy of American Poets
- Croc Attacks Son of Conservationist | IOL
- What Makes Crocodiles Such Stealthy Hunters? | Londolozi Blog
- About Down Syndrome | National Down Syndrome Society (NDSS)
- Have You Ever Tracked a White Rhino? | Londolozi Blog
- A Mormon Daughter’s Book Stirs a Storm | The New York Times
- Woo-Woo Definition & Meaning | Merriam-Webster
- The Survival Specialist | The Guardian
- Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics | Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy
- Professor Donald Hoffman — The Case Against Reality, Beyond Spacetime, Rethinking Death, Panpsychism, QBism, and More | The Tim Ferriss Show #585
- The Integrity Cleanse DIY Workbook | Martha Beck
- I Think You’re Fat by A.J. Jacobs | Esquire
- The Divine Comedy (The Inferno, The Purgatorio, and The Paradiso) by Dante Alighieri | Amazon
- Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare | Folger Shakespeare Library
- Stoicism vs. Hedonism: What’s the Difference? | Orion Philosophy
- The Addictive Puzzle Game That Started It All! | Tetris
- Nice Work If You Can Get It | Bewildered #49
- Calm Down, We Can Do Both! | The Gathering Room Podcast #126
- Elizabeth Gilbert’s Creative Path: Saying No, Trusting Your Intuition, Index Cards, Integrity Checks, Grief, Awe, and Much More | The Tim Ferriss Show #430
- “Adulthood Is Emailing ‘Sorry for the Delayed Response!’ Back and Forth until One of You Dies.” | Marissa Miller, Twitter
- Sorry for the Delayed Response | The New Yorker
- ‘New Yorker’ Cartoon Editor Explores What Makes Us Get It | NPR
- It’s All Chinese To Me? | It’s All Greek To Me
- The Significance of Oranges Around Lunar New Year, Explained | Time
- What Is Zen Buddhism and How Do You Practice It? | Lion’s Roar
- Tao Te Ching: A New English Version by Lao Tzu and Stephen Mitchell | Amazon
- The Great British Baking Show | Netflix
- The 4-Hour Chef: The Simple Path to Cooking Like a Pro, Learning Anything, and Living the Good Life by Timothy Ferriss | Amazon
- Sweet Vs. Savory | The Daily Nexus
- A Strange Place to Find Comfort | The Gathering Room Podcast #112
- The Formula for Happiness | Martha Beck
- When You Want Not to Want What You Want | The Gathering Room Podcast #99
- Compare Models | Tesla
- We Asked Leaf Blower Guys if They Know How Annoying They Are | Vice
- Andrés Segovia: The Father Of Classical Guitar (1975) | YouTube
- Cananga Odorata (Ylang-Ylang) | Wikipedia
- Why Do My Dog’s Feet Smell Like Fritos or Corn Chips? | AKC
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) | Psychology Today
- Efficacy of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in Reducing Suicidal Ideation and Deliberate Self-Harm: Systematic Review | JMIR Mental Health
- Perissodactyla | Wikipedia
- Luxury Safari Experience in South Africa | Sabi Sands Nature Reserve
- Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life by Byron Katie | Amazon
- The Work | Byron Katie
- A Stillness within Stephen Mitchell | Los Angeles Times
- Faust: A Tragedy in Two Parts and the Urfaust by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe | Amazon
- Language. Culture. Germany. | Goethe-Institut USA
- Goethe: The Smartest Man in History? | Mystery Scoop
- How to Live Like a Rock Star (or Tango Star) in Buenos Aires… | Tim Ferriss
- What the Stroop Effect Reveals About Our Minds | Lesley University
- What is Neurodiversity? | Harvard Health
- Jill Bolte Taylor: My Stroke of Insight | TED Talk
- Spaghetti Tower Marshmallow Challenge | TinkerLab
- Awakening Your Magician | The Gathering Room Podcast #144
- All of Creation | Martha Beck
- Activity: Mirror Writing | Museum of Science
- Figure Study Tool | Line of Action
- Neil Gaiman Addresses the University of the Arts Class of 2012 | The University of the Arts
- What is Internal Family Systems? | IFS Institute
- Internal Family Systems Therapy, Second Edition by Richard C. Schwartz and Martha Sweezy | Amazon
- Richard Schwartz — IFS, Psychedelic Experiences without Drugs, and Finding Inner Peace for Our Many Parts | The Tim Ferriss Show #492
- Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness Using IFS, A Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy by Jay Earley and Karen Donnely | Amazon
- Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha by Tara Brach | Amazon
- A Mother Cheetah Reveals Her Tiny Cubs | Londolozi TV
- A Cat’s Best Friend | San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance Stories
- The Merchant of Just Be Happy | The New York Times
- Koelle Simpson’s Equine Therapy | Oprah.com
- Capuchin Facts | Costa Rica Wildlife Guide
- The Magical Corner of Intention and Invention | The Gathering Room Podcast #155
- A Tale of a Troop of Baboons | Londolozi Blog
- Trickster Makes This World: Mischief, Myth, and Art by Lewis Hyde | Amazon
SHOW NOTES
- [06:06] My contribution to teen atrociousness.
- [06:40] Connecting with Boyd Varty.
- [12:27] The path of not here.
- [16:38] Finding joy in the body can save your life.
- [21:17] The pregnant pause that ended Martha’s obsession with intellect.
- [26:51] Sensitivity and suffering.
- [30:14] The year of living lie-lessly.
- [35:36] An illuminating change of perspective.
- [46:14] The path to taking a black belt integrity cleanse.
- [49:42] Owning your right to say “No.”
- [53:45] Alternatives to “No” that remain honest.
- [57:11] The language of candor.
- [59:30] Ending relationships that have run their course.
- [01:00:37] The Asian influence.
- [01:04:26] Sweet or savory?
- [01:05:36] Are you comfortable?
- [01:07:29] Want vs. yearning and jumping the track.
- [01:20:36] Rhino ruminations.
- [01:22:06] The Tao Te Ching, Stephen Mitchell, and Byron Katie.
- [01:33:19] America’s Goethe?
- [01:36:20] Weighing kryptonite against superpowers.
- [01:44:50] Exploring the opposite of anxiety.
- [01:56:38] Dick Schwartz and Internal Family Systems.
- [02:01:57] Compassion even for the self’s unwanted pieces.
- [02:04:20] Favorite animal.
- [02:08:58] Equine therapy.
- [02:15:06] Selling the ranch.
- [02:18:05] The monkey whisperer.
- [02:20:05] Parting thoughts.
MORE MARTHA BECK QUOTES FROM THE INTERVIEW
“It’s never true to hate yourself or to condemn yourself.”
— Martha Beck
“There’s a level beyond just telling the truth, and it is called compassion—and it’s truer.”
— Martha Beck
“When you’re saying ‘Get away, I don’t want you,’ the part of you that does insomnia and depression goes into a panic because it’s now being told it can’t belong. You don’t want it, you’ve rejected it. It ups the ante, and all it knows how to do is keep you awake and make you depressed.”
— Martha Beck
“I said being creative is the opposite of anxiety, but you can’t get to creativity if you don’t start with acceptance and compassion and simple kindness toward the self, toward the parts of the self that are doing the things you can’t stand.”
— Martha Beck
“When you realize that nature is available to you as a companion if you just tell the truth, it really is worth giving everything else up.”
— Martha Beck
“I remembered Emerson’s statement that ‘beauty is its own excuse for being,’ and I thought, ‘Joy is its own excuse for being.’ That is the one thing I can experience that makes it worth sticking around for the suffering this life entails. So I shifted my entire life toward a sort of very simple test: does it bring me joy or does it not? And joy became the track I was following.”
— Martha Beck
“The essential self yearns. The social self wants.”
— Martha Beck
PEOPLE MENTIONED
- Oprah Winfrey
- Boyd Varty
- Bronwyn Varty-Laburn
- Dave Varty
- Shan Varty
- Renias Mhlongo
- Sherlock Holmes
- Arthur C. Clarke
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Eddie Izzard
- Alex Van Den Heever
- Brigham Young
- Hugh Nibley
- A.J. Jacobs
- Julie Schoenberg Jacobs
- Dante Alighieri
- Julius Caesar
- William Shakespeare
- Elizabeth Gilbert
- Phyllis Nibley
- Andrés Segovia
- Molly Ferriss
- Steven C. Hayes
- Stephen Mitchell
- Byron Katie
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
- Jill Bolte Taylor
- Leonardo da Vinci
- Neil Gaiman
- Iain McGilchrist
- Richard Schwartz
- Jay Earley
- Tara Brach
- Lewis Hyde
The Tim Ferriss Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world with more than one billion downloads. It has been selected for "Best of Apple Podcasts" three times, it is often the #1 interview podcast across all of Apple Podcasts, and it's been ranked #1 out of 400,000+ podcasts on many occasions. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.
Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That’s how we��re gonna be — cool. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff. Please do not put your URL in the comment text and please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name, as the latter comes off like spam. Have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation! (Thanks to Brian Oberkirch for the inspiration.)
Hi! Lovely conversation. I am attempting to find the drawing websites you discuss. I told a patient about it and he is very interested in trying it out. BUT I can’t find the links in the show notes… Also, as a random aside, inquiring minds are very curious about Martha’s anesthesia experience…. do we know the med? We’re betting on Ketamine!
Hi, Ayesha –
Are these the exercises you’re looking for?
https://www.mos.org/leonardo/activities/mirror-writing.html
https://line-of-action.com/practice-tools/figure-drawing
Best,
Team Tim Ferriss
This was a stunning conversation, and had me repeatedly in tears. One of the very best that I have had the pleasure to listen to. There is a deep resonance between you two, and it was a joy to share in it.
Great interview. I normally don’t comment here. The only correction I have is that Dr. Jud Brewer’s research at Brown U is all about curiosity as a tool to help with anxiety and cravings. It’s something that Martha Beck should know. Curiosity is something that has been studied!
This episode was incredible! As a non-hunter, animal tracking has never even piqued my interest until listening to you and Martha talk about all of the ways that tracking parallels life and the work of tracking joy. Thank you Tim for the research and heart you put into every single podcast!
The concept of not lying as a way to free oneself and live a happier life was important for me — also one that I will have to work on slowly. I like the idea of starting with a journal.
Thinking about this made me realize how many little lies I tell every day because I think it makes my life easier or makes my interactions with others easier.
It made me realize how much falseness I’ve built into my life.
Even the idea of moving away from that provides a sense of levity.
This one blew me away. So many parts resonated deeply and gave insights and even more importantly it gave acknowledgement and encouragement to follow a deeper intuition. Thanks Martha for all the sharing and reminding us of the path of joy. Beautiful segment was when Martha asked Tim about the way his brains work. The cherry on top was Tim mentioning the book ‘Trickster makes this world – about art & mischief’ by Lewis Hyde.
Please continu this work!
Fantastic interview from start to finish. Thank you, both! By the way, when Martha talked about Parts, and also getting out of your left brain and modifying beliefs to positive possibilities… this is how hypnotherapy works, and it can work very quickly. The trance part of hypnotherapy lets you get out of your left brain (or conscious, critical self) to realize other possible ways of being or reacting: jumping the tracks. Just like the feelings we yearn for, it’s not easy to measure in the lab which, unfortunately, makes it seem rather woo-woo, but neuroscientists are starting to be able to record physiological shifts that take place under hypnosis (and meditation). So perhaps, just like historians shone a light on the nonsensical rhetoric of the Mormon Apologists, scientists will also unveil the mechanisms of hypnotic trance in therapy and make it more available, and less freaky, to society at large.
This episode had so many gems and so many things that resonated with me. She is so authentic and beautiful.
One- I also did the psychological tests and was AWFUL with remembering digits.. lowest scores as well. But also have an innate ability to mimic tones, animals, and accents. To the point where I accidentally pick up people’s accents if I talk to them too long or watch too many French films. Our brains are built from the same matter and synapses it appears!
Two- baking is the most OCD thing and it is the only way I can cook. I can bake with precision because.. rules. And decorate with intense focus and creativity because.. it’s a release from the rules.
My podcast notes are a mess and will have to give this a listen again to retain all the goodies for life and hopefully helping my therapy clients! Thank you for the inspiration to track joy and make art. (And track the opossums and fence lizards in my yard, alas no cheetahs or rhinos roaming free in Texas) Cheers! Beautiful episode!
You mention The Work of Byron Katie in this episode. With Martha you find the opposite of anxiety to be creativity and land on creativity as an antidote of sorts for anxious states. (And I’ll note here that another commenter corrected that curiosity was actually the area of brain research in what Martha referenced, though, gosh, aren’t those two connected!) Because of these things, this anecdote seems a propos:
Once when doing Byron Katie’s Work on the stressful thought “at my core I am a depressed person” I was searching for the turnarounds. There’s a linguistic playfulness and an attitude of wide, soft receptivity in these turnaround searches for me. I found the obvious ones “at my surface, I am a depressed person”, “at my core, I am not a depressed person” and they were useful for finding where and how they were ‘as true or truer’ as Katie says, than the original thought. But then I asked what the linguistic opposite of de-pressed was and ex-pressed popped into my mind. So the turnaround becomes ‘at my core I am an expressed person’ Finding where those were true was life-changing.
De-pressed (and the associated connotations of held down, stifled, stuck, limited)
vs.
Ex-pressed (and the associated connotations of flowing out, loudly and unreservedly shouted, quietly whispered, calmly but boldly stated, silently danced into form)
This antonym/antidote has remained with me. When I find myself heading into depressive thoughts and actions, it’s likely something is not being expressed. And there is rich mining to be done for where that is true, and what expression wants to find the light.
Feels so similar to the anxiety/creativity (curiosity) dynamic you explored with Martha and connected to the Byron Katie Work, so I felt moved to share.