The Bachelorette recap: Erasing her past

It was a topsy-turvy week on The Bachelorette, rose lovers. One uninvited suitor got the boot, another one self-eliminated, and a third dropped the first "falling in love" bomb of the season.Let’s recap!

The episode wastes no time with any preamble. Bam! It’s cocktail party time, rose lovers, and the guys have no idea what’s about to hit them. Everyone is in a good mood, and Dylan even tells the guys that he’s grateful for their friendship and support. "Dare I say it? This might be the first cocktail party where there is absolutely no drama," he predicts.

Oh, sir. You should not have dared. Because outside the hotel, Jenn — wearing a cream gown covered in gorgeous and colorful beaded flowers — is freaking out over what to do about her ex-boyfriend, Matt, who came to New Zealand asking for another chance. "No one’s ever told me they’re in love with me before," the Bachelorette frets to Jesse Palmer. "It definitely has me even more confused now."

Palmer urges Jenn to talk to Matt, who is currently on his way to the hotel, all dressed up and hoping to join the Bachelorette’s "journey."

Okay, Jenn — time to head into the cocktail party and ruin the night of all 11 men inside.

“My past has started to impact me in a lot more ways than I imagined,” explains Jenn, who informs the guys that her ex, Matt, flew to Auckland to “basically profess his love” for her. But wait — there’s more bad news! “Matt is here tonight,” the Bachelorette continues. “And I do need to talk to him. So, I will be right back.”

The men, as you can probably guess, do NOT love it.

“We all took that kind of personally,” says Grant. “We’re all putting our hearts on the line… I’m not happy about it.” Austin concurs. “That guy does have an unfair advantage. He knows Jenn better than any of us in this room,” he says. “I think it’s kind of wack and corny if he’s able to come here and stay.”

Ultimately, the men know that the only feelings that matter are Jenn’s. Outside, she sits with Matt on a bench and asks him to make his case.

Her first question is simple: Why now? [raises hand] Oh, oh, oh! I can answer that! Because of the TV cameras, that’s why! (Come on, Jenn! If you’re gonna quiz him, you’ve gotta make the questions harder.) Matt’s answer is slightly different, of course. “It’s now or never,” he says. “You’re leaving this thing engaged. There’s no flexibility there.” Matt adds that his feelings came back for Jenn over time, and when they started talking again as friends, he discovered things about her that were “so deep.”

Jenn agrees that she, too, feels “sentimental” about their time together — which was, as she explained last week, just three years ago. Still, Matt argues that they were totally different people then, and not the “adults” they are today. (To be fair, I suppose people do grow a lot between 23 and 26.) “I’m just not ready to let it go,” Matt says.

Inside, the men are spiraling — some more than others. Devin insists that if Jenn lets Matt join her man-harem, he’ll get up and leave. “I’m livid, man,” he fumes. “I’ve been cheated on in the past… I know this isn’t necessarily that, but it feels like it for sure.” Once he’s back with the men, Devin doubles down. “If she walks in here with this guy, this rose doesn’t mean anything to me.”

Okay, bro, but what are you gonna do if the dude walks in on his own? Because that’s what just happened.

“I just wanted to let you know that I did come here of my own volition,” says Matt. “But she let me know her future’s in this room. She feels confident that you guys can offer something I can’t. And I’m just here to apologize.”

LOLOL, so not only did Matt get denied by Jenn, but producers also made him announce his humiliation to a room full of hostile men. Say it with me, rose lovers: The devil works hard, but Bachelor producers work harder. Sorry you didn’t get your big TV break, Matt! Maybe they’ll let you do a few Bachelor Nation podcasts when you get home.

With that, the cocktail party is over. Rose ceremony roll call! Grant, Jeremy, Jonathon, Spencer, Dylan, and Austin join Marcus, Sam M., and Devin in the Circle of Safety™. That means we must say goodbye to John (booo!) and Sam M.’s suck-up sidekick, Thomas. Ugh, and you just know that producers will send the latter to Paradise. He’s literally already campaigning!

Oh, knock it off, you pot-stirring mean boy. You can’t erase all your obnoxious behavior that easily. 

The next day, everybody stays in Auckland, and when the date card arrives, Jonathon earns the first one-on-one of the week. He’s excited, but also a little anxious, because the note on the date card said, “It’s time for our love to take flight” — and wouldn’t you know it, Jonathon is afraid of heights. Cut to:

The way he sang that, LOL! For once, Jenn is the one comforting someone rather than being comforted during an acrophobic freak out. “I’m going to reassure him that everything is going to be okay,” she insists. The Bachelorette also hopes that their day together will help their relationship take flight more than it already has. (Painful pun intended.) The helicopter brings them to Waiheke, an island known for its wine. Jonathon LOVES it — and the fact that the helicopter landed safely.

Before the drinking begins, Jenn and Jonathon enjoy a playful afternoon, doing cartwheels and playing hide-and-seek in the vineyard. (Not sure it’s possible to “hide” when you’ve got a camera crew on your tail, but give it a shot, kids.) “He brings out the weirdest parts of me,” giggles Jenn. “We just have a good time.” Case in point:

Get your heads out of the gutter, rose lovers! They’re just tossing grapes into each other’s mouths. These two really do have a goofy chemistry; they even reenact a rose ceremony but with a grape. Like Jenn, Jonathon is slightly worried that their relationship hasn’t progressed past the “fun, surface-level stuff.” You mean, like, making out in a hot tub?

To be fair, Jonathon does express his concerns to Jenn before they start smooching. “Do we connect on that deeper, emotional level?” he wonders aloud. “It’s hugely important, and it’s something I’m bad at.” The Bachelorette does her best to assure him. “I know that you have layers to peel back,” she says — but in her confessional, she admits that their “missing” emotional connection continues to be a concern. “I hope that we’ll be able to do that.”

Whatever happens, Jonathon is already a hero for bucking the “bare ankle” trend so many of these men insist on perpetuating.

Of course, dinner is Jonathon’s last chance to Trauma Dump™ in order to prove that he has feelings and emotions like a real boy, or whatever. And don’t you worry, rose lovers — our handsome creative director is ready. “I have a very hard time fully trusting that somebody is exactly who they say they are,” he admits.

Jonathon goes on to say that these trust issues began after falling “really hard, really fast” for a girl — they dated for two years and even looked at engagement rings together — and then things imploded. His almost-fiancée was “going through a really hard time,” and she began to “self-medicate” with alcohol, says Jonathan. Finally, he confronted her about her drinking, and she accused him of being “abusive and controlling and manipulative.” Understandably, Jonathon says those words still haunt him to this day. Their relationship ended abruptly, and Jonathan says it crushed his “hopeless romantic” spirit.

Jenn wants Jonathan to know that she really, really relates to this experience. “I did have a toxic ex-boyfriend who in the same way gaslit me all the time,” she explains. “It really takes a toll on you.” The Bachelorette also performs a little armchair psychology on Jonathon after he talks about watching his single mom struggle with raising three kids, and how he worked hard to make his family smile. “Do you think you had to put on a stronger front for your family… and that’s why it’s harder for you to emote?”  Jonathon offers up a sheepish smile before answering, “Yeah, probably.”

Okay, rose lovers — let’s do this:

Just as she pins the bud on his lapel, we hear a clap of thunder and the rain starts pouring down. In other words, someone added the sound effect in post, and producers had a rain machine at the ready — because Jonathan wants a “rom-com love,” and what could be more rom-com than sharing a kiss in the rain?

The next day, the skies are clear as Devin, Sam M., Marcus, Spencer, Jeremy, Dylan, and Austin meet Jenn at a farm for the group date. I’m sorry, what in the holy hell happened to Austin’s shirt?

Did someone cut off his sleeves with lefty scissors? (The same culprit seems to have removed the bottom half of Jeremy’s shirt, too. Rude.) The date card said, “love is messy,” which is bad news for Dylan, who just got “some new kicks” that he really wants to keep clean. Too bad, sir! Because you’re at a sheep farm, and the farm’s owners, Diane and Richard, are about to put you guys through your paces.

First up, Richard charges the men with herding a giant flock of sheep into a specific gate. It… does not go well.

“Will someone tell us what gate their going through?” Spencer bellows. It’s the one right in front of you, you maroons! Richard and Diane watch with a mixture of bemusement and dismay. “The first thing I would have done is open the gate,” Richard deadpans. “That was seriously a disappointment that they didn’t.” And he isn’t shy about letting the men know how truly dimwitted they are. “Not a lot of collective intelligence that you didn’t think to open the gate,” he tells them, before ordering them to muck out the sheep stalls. The final job is even messier: Snipping “dingleberries” from the sheep’s bottoms! Good times.

The graphics department strikes again, LOL!

At the end of the day, the “best farmer” award goes to the one man whose victory will produce the most drama: Devin! The guys immediately start grousing. Miraculously, Sam M. isn’t the first one to complain! “Every time I looked at Devin, he was off trying to talk to Jenn,” grumbles Austin. “Someone else deserves [the award], and it’s not Devin.”

The beef (or in this case should I say mutton?) carries over until the after-party, when Jeremy opens the conversation by asking Devin if he deserved to win the “farmer of the day” award. Devin demurs, saying that he was probably recognized for taking the initiative to talk with Jenn, but Jeremy isn’t satisfied with that answer.

Suck it up, beard. The Bachelorette just arrived, and it’s time to focus on building those connections! To Jeremy’s credit, he does not complain about Devin to Jenn — but he roughly strokes her hair so many times as they talk that she finally has to shut him down. “Why are you petting me right now?” she says with a laugh. “What is going on?” He saves the moment by Opening Up™ about being lonely in college and fearing loneliness to this day.

Back in the holding pen, Austin is spiraling. As the guys talk about the group date rose, the mulleted sales executive stays silent. “I have a very tough decision to make,” he reveals in his confessional. Hmmm… what could he mean by that?

“I feel like I’ve been playing catch-up this whole time, I really do,” Austin tells Jenn. “You have some amazing guys here that are ready to give you absolutely everything that you deserve, and with the way that things have gone for me in this journey, I don’t think that I can do that.” When the Bachelorette asks him what he’s trying to say, Austin spits it out at last: “I don’t think it’s fair to you and I don’t think it’s fair to the other guys that I continue this journey with you.”

Rose lovers, we all know Jenn has no interest in Austin — but she does her best to act disappointed. “It’s not what I wanted to hear, but I can understand if this is what you want to do,” she says, before wrapping him in a goodbye hug.

Somehow, though, Jenn still manages to turn this situation into a referendum on her lovability — which is wild, because she clearly was never going to pick him. “I just want to be enough for somebody, and it seems like I wasn’t enough for Austin,” she says with a sigh. Girl, what are you talking about? HE wasn’t enough for YOU!

Jenn even starts fretting that she won’t be “enough” for Devin or Marcus or any of the men. Again, wild! When the producer asks her if she’s shared these fears with the guys, Jenn says no, and admits that she’s worried they’ll learn that she’s not the confident woman she pretends to be. “If I tell them, then they see how worthless I am,” she says softly, wiping away a tear.

Rose lovers, my brain is about to explode. Look, I was once an insecure 26-year-old myself — many years ago — but even I couldn’t perform such mental gymnastics, especially about a situation that is so clear-cut. Jenn, a guy you weren’t interested in just self-eliminated, which says nothing about you other than he knew that HE couldn’t cut it. I refuse to indulge any more of this nonsense. Go back in there and tell the guys how you’re feeling.  

Jenn informs the men about Austin’s departure and admits she’s feeling pretty blue about it. “I can sit here and tell you how much I can see a future in this room, and I believe in that, but I also see a future in which I end up alone,” the Bachelorette says tearfully. The men sit in silence for a minute. Say something, you doofuses! Finally, Spencer pipes up. “When you don’t just show the happy, positive whatever, it’s brave to be able to do that,” he says. “I couldn’t do what you’ve done.”

After that, the party continues. Sam M., Marcus, and Devin spend their time reminding Jenn that she’s “way more incredible” than she believes herself to be. At long last, the date rose goes to… no one! Because “each and every one” of the guys “showed up” for Jenn — so they’re all winners. (Oh, and also because Austin left, and producers need to ensure that they have enough suspense for the rose ceremony.)

The final date of the week goes to Grant. Jenn meets him in Muriwai, a town on the west coast of New Zealand’s North Island. The Bachelorette is feeling a lot better today, but she’s still not going to give Grant a huju when he arrives. He even lifts her off the ground, but our Bachelorette refuses to wrap her legs around her date, no matter how much producers want her to. “I have so much more to learn about Grant,” says Jenn. For example, how does he feel about horses?

He’s pretty comfortable with them, as it turns out. Still, Jenn says there’s “a lot of pressure on this date” because her relationship with Grant isn’t as far along as some of the others. Wait, is that another thunderclap I hear? Or are producers just trying to foreshadow that there are storm clouds on the horizon for Grant?

“It makes the date even better in my opinion,” Grant insists, as he and Jenn huddle under a clear umbrella and continue with their picnic. “It’s not always going to be perfect… but you gotta make it through. That’s something that you have to do in a relationship.” And he makes sure to communicate that message to the Bachelorette, as well. “You don’t have to be perfect at all,” he says. “I’m gonna rock with you.”

The rain stops, which allows Jenn and Grant to share a few smooches without the umbrella. And Grant LOVES it. “Every time I see her, my feelings are growing,” he says. “Hopefully she feels the same.” We’ll find out at dinner, sir! Right after you Open Up™, of course.

And that’s exactly what Grant does. The day trader kicks off the conversation by talking about his father, who has struggled with addiction for the last 30 years. “Growing up, my pop was everything,” Grant says. “And he always used to be inebriated… The worst thing is, I didn’t know.” As a kid, Grant wasn’t aware of his dad’s substance issues — and when he found out, it was an understandable blow. “When you’re a child, you believe everything,” he says. “And the one person I trusted most was, like, always lying. So that was something.”

Right before Grant left to be on The Bachelorette, his father was fired from his job. “He was blaming everybody,” Grant recalls. “I was like, ‘Listen, Dad. I don’t f---ing care.’ This was like the proudest I’ve ever been of my dad: The next day, he called me and was like, ‘I’m checking into rehab.’”

Now Grant’s dad is about two months sober, and the two of them are rebuilding their relationship. Jenn praises him for staying by his dad’s side as he battles addiction, adding that “it speaks volumes to who you are as a person.” The Bachelorette can also relate to having a compromised — or absent — male role model as a child, since her own father “decided to take off.” As a result, she says, “I was searching for love in all the wrong places.” Her “toxic ex” would even shut her down when the conversation turned to important topics like Asian hate and sexism. “[He would] tell me that racism is fake,” she says. “I didn’t know how to stand up for myself.”

Not anymore, though! Grant gets the rose, and he sure is happy about it. “I see somebody that I could have a life with,” says Grant. “I’m starting to fall.” Awww, good for you, buddy. But please don’t bring your good vibes into the final cocktail party, okay? A lot of the men are nervous about not getting enough time with Jenn this week.

Oh, come ON, man! What did I just say? The men, especially the ones without roses, clearly do NOT love it, and they stare at Grant in stony silence.

The day trader, bless him, does not read the room and just keeps gushing about his feelings. “I don’t say that lightly,” he admits. “You kind of know when you’re tripping, and you start falling, you know what I’m saying? And you try to say, ‘Nah, chill,’ but you’re already there.”

Grant’s revelation only strengthens the resolve of the men who haven’t gotten much time with Jenn this week — Jeremy, for one, plans to “make the most” of the time he gets with Jenn at tonight’s cocktail party. Hold that thought, sir, because the Bachelorette has arrived, and she has a super-fun announcement.

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“I know that I’m exactly where I need to be. I know exactly what I’m looking for,” says Jenn. “And so, because of that, I don’t feel it’s fair to have a cocktail party tonight, so I will see you guys at the rose ceremony.”

Okay, boys, you heard the lady. Chop chop! Grant, that means you, too. We understand that you’re feeling emotional tonight, and that’s fine, but production doesn’t have time to wait around while you take a cry break in the backyard. Rose ceremony roll call: Sam M., Devin, Marcus, Jeremy, and Spencer join Jonathon and Grant in the Circle of Safety™. This means we have to say goodbye to… oh no, not Dylan the adorable med student!

“I wish you good luck, and I’m rootin’ for you,” he tells the Bachelorette before taking his leave. Boooo! Dylan deserved more screen time. See you in Paradise next year, sir — if, by some miracle, you’re still single.

And then there were 6, rose lovers. Oh, my Lord, that must mean that we’re just two weeks away from hometowns! Where does the time go? Answer: Into the black hole of uselessness, where all the hours I spend watching this Godforsaken franchise end up. Before you go, rose lovers, a few questions. Were you surprised Jenn sent Matt packing? Were you sorry to see Austin go? And truly, why does ANYONE ever tell these producers that they’re afraid of heights? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin or on Bluesky at @kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.