The Bachelorette recap: Sam M. does not 'keep the main thing the main thing'

Another week, another episode of The Bachelorette dominated by conflict between Devin and Sam M. The third leg of Jenn’s “journey” also brought us some “dolphin dives” and a surprise departure.

Let’s recap!

We begin with a trigger warning.

Don’t threaten me with a good time, producers! Oh wait — you mean we’re going to have to watch Jenn’s men “thrusting and gyrating”? I thought you were bringing in some real hunks. What a disappointment.

For week three of Jenn’s “journey,” everyone remains in Melbourne, Australia, and the guys want to make sure their muscles are in top form.

Dang, look at John levitating in the back! Pretty impressive.  Once all the working out is done, the men gather in the living room to await the date card. “I hope as a group we can all agree that our focus does not need to be beef with each other or issues with each other,” says Spencer. “The focus should be Jenn.”

Oh, Spencer, you adorable, bespectacled fool. When it comes to The Bachelorette, beef is what’s for dinner. But the fighting will have to wait, because the date card is here — and wouldn’t you know it, Spencer gets the only one-on-one of the week!

The pet portrait entrepreneur meets our Bachelorette in a park, but that doesn’t stop him from grabbing her butt as they smooch hello.

Come on, bro. You’re in public! Save the groping for when you’re in the helicopter. (That’s right, rose lovers – producers waited until episode 3 to send the Bachelorette up in a whirlybird.) She and Spencer pop some champagne as they soar over the 12 Apostles limestone cliffs and rock formations in Victoria. As beautiful as the scenery is, Spencer and Jenn can’t stop themselves from making out.

“Spencer — he put my seatbelt on for me, he poured my champagne for me,” Jenn marvels. Is that all it takes to impress you, ma'am? Raise your standards, woman!

Back at the hotel, Sam M. and Thomas N. are complaining about Devin, while at the same time they both insist that Devin is so insignificant, he isn’t worth thinking or talking about. (Pssst… guys, do you realize you are currently thinking and talking about Devin right now?) “Devin is smooth with his words,” says Sam M. He makes two fists, adding, “But I’m smooth with these.” Oh my God, go drink a protein shake and shut the f--- up.

Wow, is it nighttime already? I guess so, because we cut right from this conversation in broad daylight to Jenn and Spencer in their “evening glamour” looks for dinner.

What a shame they couldn’t find Spencer any socks. I guess the poor guy will have to Open Up™ about his past trauma with naked ankles.  At dinner, Jenn thanks Spencer for being such a gentleman, which is quite a difference from her past “toxic” relationships. Spencer reveals that he has “lost” himself in past relationships. “I’ve been engaged before. We bought a house together,” he says. Two months before the wedding, Spencer continues, his fiancée came home from a trip and moved out because she needed “time to think about things.”

That night, as he lay awake panicking, Spencer somehow uncovered that the woman he planned to marry had been cheating on him. “I was betrayed,” he says. “It was rough for a little while after that. I was just kind of like left to pick up the pieces.” The Bachelorette asks if he’s ready to be engaged again, and of course, Spencer says yes. “It doesn’t scare me,” he insists. “I’m more ready than ever to be engaged again.”

All rightie, then. Go ahead and give him that rose, Jenn.

Cue the fireworks!

The next day, it’s time for the risqué group date. Dylan, Marcus, Tomas A., John, Grant, Jonathon, Sam N., Thomas N., Sam M., and Devin arrive at the Forum Melbourne — and somehow, Sam M. is still talking about how Devin isn’t worth his breath. “I wish Devin wasn't on this date. But it’s going to be a test to see who can keep the main thing the main thing,” says Sam M., who really, really loves that phrase. “My main focus is my relationship with Jenn.” Cool, cool, cool. So happy to hear that you’re going to shut up about Devin! (Narrator: He isn't.)

Jenn greets the men with a series of hugs, and then tells them how she’s really into theater and the arts. To that end, “I thought today we’d check out a performance from a local talent group.” Rose lovers, as you probably guessed from the date card — which read “I’m looking for a love Down Under” — that “local talent group” is, in fact, Australia’s Thunder From Down Under, who are essentially Aussie Chippendales.   

Tomas A. turns four different shades of red as he watches. “I’m thinking we’re going to have to strip today,” he says with a sigh. You are correct, sir! Sam N., the “love virgin,” says he is “mortified” about what he’s being asked to do. “I didn’t come here to strip,” he complains. “I came here for love.” Welp, you came to the wrong place, sir. Now stop whining and start listening, because the Thunder gentlemen are about to teach you some key moves, like “The Dolphin Dive.”  Give it a shot, Sam N.!

Oh boy, I’m pretty sure I heard something crack. “This hurts,” Sam N. admits in his confessional. “In front of Jenn, I screwed up my wrist. Maybe not let this be the first Persian who tries to strip and dolphin dive.”

Most of the other men on the date are having fun. “This is awesome,” says Jonathon, after executing a perfect “grip and rip” with his white tank top. “It’s something fun and exciting.” Atta boy, Jonathon!

Anyone who has ever seen this show will not be surprised to learn that the men will have to perform these moves in front of a live audience. The Bachelorette assures her suitors that she’s “not looking for the best strip-tease” or abs — instead, she’s looking for a guy who can show off his personality while stepping outside of his comfort zone. (By the way, it was pretty rude the way the camera cut to Devin’s belly when Jenn made the comment about abs. Even a doofus like Devin doesn’t deserve to be body shamed.)

Okay, boys. Go choose your silly stripper costumes — and don’t forget your mandatory “protective cups”!

Host Jesse Palmer welcomes the crowd to “The Bachelorette’s Love Down Under,” which will be judged by Jenn, along with sisters Becky and Elly Miles, who were co-leads in season six of The Bachelorette Australia. (Sister Bachelorettes! Not sure how I feel about that idea.)

Dylan performs first, and he’s dressed as a… Actually, I can’t even type it. Just read the caption.

I’m sorry, but the person who came up with that name needs to go to prison. NOW. Other stage personas include “Neil Realstrong” (Marcus in an astronaut helmet and orange flightsuit), “The Snake Whisperer” (Tomas A. in jeans and wielding a rubber snake); “Mr. Eight Rounds” (Grant in boxing shorts); “Mr. Sexy Nerd” (Thomas N. in a bowtie and glasses); and “Dr. Chocolate” (the adorable John in a lab coat).

Jonathon, meanwhile, adds some extra flair to his firefighter-themed performance as “Jonny Fire Cheeks.”

The Bachelorette, however, is most impressed by Sam M., a.k.a. “Chef Fluster.” As he whips off his black apron and white tank top, Sam M. leans down and whispers in Jenn’s ear, “Not PG tonight” — a callback, of course, to their steamy make out session last week. Elly notes the chemistry between Sam M. and Jenn, but she also warns the Bachelorette to be “wary” of the guys who make her hot and bothered. “I did that. I picked him,” she tells Jenn. “And it ended up not being a smart choice.” What are the chances that Jenn will listen to that very solid advice, rose lovers? (Actually, don’t answer that.)

Devin the “Dirty Detective” goes next, and he leans into the assignment — literally.

“You gotta admire the confidence,” notes Tomas A. Too bad Devin can’t share a little of his bravado with Sam N., who is feeling “very nervous” as he makes his way on stage as… “The Love Virgin.” (Come on, producers! That’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?) Striding out on stage in his maroon bathrobe, Sam N. bellows, “Cut the music!” and then grabs a mic from Palmer.  

“From the moment I first saw you, I knew you were different. You make me feel confident,” Sam N. says, gazing intensely at the Bachelorette. “You make me feel secure. I see myself getting on one knee for you. Jenn, I’m already falling in love with you.” Oh honey, no. Just no. Sir, I know you think you just salvaged your dignity with that big declaration, but in fact, that was more cringeworthy than a poorly executed dolphin dive.

And the Mr. Love Down Under title goes to… Jonathon! Well deserved, in my opinion. Everyone seems happy with the results — except for loser Sam M., who aims his resentment at Sam N. for his “disrespectful” use of the l-word.

At first, the mood at the cocktail party is pretty light. Jonathon chats with Jenn first, and when Devin arrives to take his place, Jonathon gets up willingly — and he and Devin even share a bro-hug. That’s how you do it, gentlemen! During his conversation with the Bachelorette, Devin Opens Up™ about being a “pretty heavy kid” growing up and struggling with insecurities about his weight. Those feelings, he adds, were present again today during the date — but he also thanks Jenn for giving him the confidence to “let it all out there.” The Bachelorette LOVES it.

Sam N. is up next, and he begins his chat with Jenn by apologizing for being “the corniest guy in the room.” Dating, he explains, is all very new to him, and he’s constantly second-guessing himself. “I don’t even know how to hold your hand, to be honest,” he says. Sam N. knows he maybe went a little too far by dropping the l-word during the date, but he hopes Jenn knows that his heart was in the right place. The Bachelorette says he should never be ashamed about sharing his feelings — but it’s pretty clear she is just not that into him.

While this is going on, Sam M. and Thomas N. are outside trash-talking the Love Virgin. Devin overhears them “snickering” and “whispering” about Sam N., and he thinks their behavior is “really, really low.” He’s not wrong, but I must interrupt this brewing conflict with some breaking news: Dr. Chocolate is in the house!

This man better get all five-star reviews on Zocdoc.

Alas, the show cuts away immediately to the holding pen, where Sam N. stands before the rest of the men and addresses “the elephant in the room” — a.k.a. his awkward speech during the strip-tease date. He now regrets using the word “love,” and admits to the men that he feels “pathetic” about the whole thing. Most of the guys listen politely, except for Sam M., who barely attempts to hold back his laughter, and Thomas N., who stares at the floor. This pisses Devin off to no end. “You have no reason to feel sorry for what you do and who you are,” Devin tells the Love Virgin. “Anybody — anybody — that decides that that’s not right has their own issues.”

He's talking to you two, Dumb and Dumber!

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“You throw words around like mutual respect,” says Devin, addressing Sam M. directly. “I clap for you even though I don’t want to. I smile at you even though I really don’t want to… You say mutual respect, but you don’t believe that.”

Now Sam M. is the one who’s angry. “You think you got respect for us, yes or no?” he barks. “I’m talking to a clown! Answer the question!" Devin pushes back, saying he’s tried to take the high road when it comes to their interactions — but Sam M. doesn’t care. “I don’t respect you, I got nothing to say to you,” he says. “We are not going to be friends.” In response, Devin scoffs and says, “Mutual respect,” and now Thomas N. is pissed. “You have to have the last word!” he snaps. “You are a child!”

Sam M. instructs his lackey to “leave it,” telling Thomas N. that things will “get handled” at some point, when Devin doesn’t get a rose. We then cut right to Sam M.’s confessional. “Devin is a bully,” he announces. “I’ll continue to preach it.” Don’t worry rose lovers — the Bachelorette caption team knows what you’re thinking.

LOLOLOL the graphics team is SAVAGE this season, and I am loving it.

Unfortunately, Jenn is not yet aware that Sam M. is a total tool — and that’s because she’s too busy making out with him on the couch. “Sam M. and I have a very physical connection right now,” she says, stating the obvious. “There’s just something there and I don’t know what it is.” [Raises hand] I can answer that, ma’am! It’s called lust — and trust me, it will not last.

Just when Sam M. thinks he has the date rose in the bag, this happens:

Oh boy, Sam M., you lost again! That must be very emasculating.

The next day, Aaron Erb gets a call from a Sergeant Jenkins, his supervisor in the Air Force. “I just got word that my fighter-pilot training dates, they just came through,” Aaron Erb explains. “This is what I’ve been waiting honestly a year-and-a-half for.” Unfortunately, he only has one day to decide whether he’s going to leave the show and return for training or lose his slot and continue this “journey” with Jenn. Sir, the choice is crystal clear, right? RIGHT?

“I feel like I could have something really special with Jenn,” Aaron Erb frets. “It puts me in a really difficult position.” No, it doesn’t! GO BECOME A FIGHTER PILOT, YOU DOOFUS!

Instead, Aaron Erb decides that he needs to attend today’s group date before he can decide. So, off he goes with Hakeem, Austin, and Jeremy to Calder Park racetrack for some high-speed shenanigans with the Bachelorette. Jenn introduces the driving instructor, Jesse (not Palmer), who is chagrined to learn that only one of the men — Aaron Erb — knows how to drive stick. Still, they’re all going to compete in a race, and the winner gets “special time” with Jenn.

One by one, Hakeem, Jeremy, and Austin attempt to work the stick shift while a (very patient) Jesse talks them through the many steps. There’s a lot of herky-jerky stopping and starting, but when Jenn gets behind the wheel, things are relatively smooth. When it’s Aaron Erb’s turn, he immediately begins showing off and whipping around the track.

Hakeem takes more than 90 seconds to make it around the track (“He did it all in first gear,” says Palmer), and Austin only manages to go a little faster, earning a time of 1:21. Just when it seems like Jeremy is going to make good time, he stalls out “on purpose” so he can smooch Jenn. Somehow, though, Aaron Erb loses out to Austin with a time of 1:23. Congrats, Mr. Mullet!

As for you, Aaron Erb, you’ll have to wait until the afterparty to make your major life decision. That night, he sits down with the Bachelorette first, and it immediately becomes clear that she knows nothing about him. Rose lovers, Jenn wasn’t even aware that Aaron Erb has his pilot license. Does she even know he’s in the Air Force? What have they been talking about this whole time?? Even now, Aaron Erb doesn’t say anything about his current situation; instead, he just spews out platitudes about living every day like it’s his last and because “tomorrow’s not promised.”  He goes on to say how “excited” he is about their “potential” relationship, and then he leans in for a smooch.

Poor Jenn. If she had any inkling that this man was considering giving up a major career opportunity and life goal for the chance of ending up with her, she would almost certainly tell him he needs to leave. They have approximately zero chemistry, and the odds of him ending up in the final two are lower than the bottom of a black hole.

The rest of the evening goes smoothly. Hakeem Opens Up™ about his parents’ “toxic” relationship; Jeremy tells Jenn he has a “crush” on her; Austin reveals that he’s been cheated on in the past, and that he’s never been in love before. (Wait, we have TWO “love virgins” in the cast? That’s bananas!)

The date rose goes to Jeremy, which leaves Aaron Erb more confused than ever. “Had I received a rose, that would really have confirmed we might have something really special here,” he says with a sigh. “Now I have a lot more to think about.” No. You. DON’T. Will someone please get Noah on the phone so he can tell his brother to stop being such a dumbass?

Oh, thank God — as soon as the cocktail party begins, Aaron Erb pulls Jenn aside so he can tell her the news. And just as we expected, rose lovers, the Bachelorette urges him to follow his dream. “I wouldn’t want to be a source of resentment, ever,” she says. “And if this is your dream and you’ve been working so hard for this, I want to cheer you on… If I were you, I would do the same thing.”

Of course, that’s where the conversation should have ended. But Aaron Erb is so thirsty for screen time, he can’t leave well enough alone. He uses his parting words to Jenn to warn her that some of the men aren’t ready for an engagement and some of them aren’t there for the Right Reasons™. Then, the dude has the audacity to claim, “I’m not trying to scare you!”

The Bachelorette does NOT love it. “I feel like it was a disingenuous conversation,” she says in her confessional. “But to not tell me who these people are… that’s cruel!” Jenn is still annoyed as she walks Aaron Erb to the Reject SUV, and she doesn’t even hug him goodbye.

After he’s gone, the Bachelorette marches back into the cocktail party and addresses the (very confused) men. She explains that Aaron Erb had to leave for “personal reasons,” and that his parting salvo was an accusation that some of the remaining men aren’t ready for an engagement.

“I’ve made the wrong decisions in the past, and I’m not going to do that anymore,” she continues. “So, if you think that this is not the place that you need to be, then you need to get out. Got it?” Yes, ma’am!

With that, Jenn orders Marcus to join her for a chat. The rest of the men sit in stunned silence for a minute, before launching into a heated discussion about Aaron Erb’s departure. Devin berates him for using his last moments to “talk s---” about the rest of them. Sam M. jumps in and defends Aaron Erb, insisting that it isn’t fair for anyone to “dismiss the way that he feels.” It’s essentially the same argument Devin and Sam M. had over Sam N.’s declaration of love at the group date — but now they’re each arguing the opposite side. This goes on and on and on, and eventually Sam M. challenges Devin to step outside — but Devin declines the invite.

Eventually, Sam M. gets his turn to chat with Jenn. When she asks if he was “rattled” by her speech, he’s dismissive. “Everything you said does not apply to me,” he murmurs. “None of it applies to me.” God help us, rose lovers, because Jenn believes what he’s saying. “This week, what I kept thinking back to was you,” she admits. “I kept thinking, like, he’s going to make me feel better.”

Ugh. Jenn goes on to tell producers that she doesn’t think “you can fake passion or sincerity like that,” when this very franchise offers proof every season that you can. Our dear, delusional Bachelorette will have to learn this the hard way, I guess.

Back at the holding pen, Devin and Sam M. are still arguing about Aaron Erb, and some of the men have reached their breaking point.

You said it, Spencer.

Tink! Tink! Tink! Oh, thank the Lord, here comes Palmer with his Butter Knife of Bad News™. “You all know tonight is a big rose ceremony,” the host intones. “I also know tonight got heated. I just wanted to give you guys a second to catch your breath, and when you’re ready, I’ll see you at the rose ceremony.” Rather than simmering down, the men — several of whom didn’t get any time with Jenn during the party — continue to bicker and argue as they make their way to the rose ceremony.

Rose ceremony roll call!

Marcus, John, Jonathon, Austin, Grant, Sam M., Thomas N., Dylan, Sam N. join Devin, Jeremy, and Spencer in the Circle of Safety™. Awww man, this means we must say goodbye to Hakeem, who is a wonderful weirdo, and Tomas A. There’s no Paradise until 2025, but I sure hope we see him in the opening credits of season 10 dodging a plastic spider.

The episode ends with Sam M. blathering on about keeping “the main thing the main thing,” and promising to “instill fear” in Devin going forward. That means we’ll have to sit through yet another week of the Devin-Sam M. drama, some of which was highlighted in the promo for next week. (It looks like maybe both Sam and Devin get one-on-one dates. Maybe we’ll have to wait until week 5 for the inevitable two-on-one?)

So, rose lovers, how are you feeling? Are you rooting for anyone besides Marcus? Will you miss Aaron Erb? And do you think Doctor Chocolate makes house calls? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin or on Bluesky at @kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.