User:Toa Zach

WARNING: The following information may or may or may not be true! Page last updated, 9/24/08, I'm back people!!!

Birth to Age Ten

Isaac Zach was born in the year 1972. His parents were both wheat farmers somewhere off the coast of Old Zealand. He was born a triplet, but his two siblings both were cursed to dance around a large rock for ever and ever! At age two he took his first math class, algebra II. He learned to read at age five, but did not learn to speak until age nine.

Ten to High School Graduation

When he was in sixth grade, he learned C, but was unable to learn C++. He played the guitar so badly once, he was chased out of the country by nine angry mobs. Fortunately, all the mobs were specially trained terrorist groups attempting to take over the world in a semi-illegal manner and were caught and apprehended. George W. Butt (not Bush) then awarded him a medal of honor. His life then was boring from seventh grade until graduation.

College

Zach attended the Jones Bopkins School for Untalented Youth. He attended ever single party ever thrown, as well as fourteen more. He graduated fourth in his computer smashing class, behind Destin, a rock, and a moo-cow. Destin was, unfortunately eaten by the moo-cow for being a Mac user. The moo-cow later flip-flopped and ate Zach for being a PC user, but changed his mind and barfed up Zach, sparing his life. The FBI, the IRS,The Secret Service, and the NCIS are all presently doing investigations into his activity in this period for undisclosed reasons.

==Post Graduation/ The Cockroaches==After graduating, Zach was offered jobs by nineteen of the fourteen major computer smashing corporations on the planet. He, however, decided to move to a large city and become a hippy guitarist. His stinkitude at guitar resulted in the mental breakdowns of three people, who subsequently agreed to start a band, called The Cockroaches. Square-o Planet was their drummer, Fred NotHairyDaughter was the lead guitarist and singer, Adolph Stalin played rhythm guitar and sung background vocals. They at one point had a bassist, but he resigned after a run in with the black market and was last seen screaming something along the lines of"WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH," The Cockroaches released twelve studio albums, all of which were recorded with the same drum track. The albums each sailed straight to number one and knocked of the previous one (with, of course, the exception of the first one). They were voted the best band ever by every major music magazine and critic, despite their apparent lack of talent. The band later broke up in 1983. In 1996, five of the members decided to reunite and rename themselves "Staple Poopers", but broke up again 4 minutes later. The band still tours via four-way chats on iChat, which crashed MobileMe's server. Apple sued all of the members, but ended up settling the case out of court after Bob Jones shoved an iPhone up Steve Jobs' <<<THIS SENTENCE WILL NOT BE FINISHED DUE TO APPLE'S STRICT NDA>>>.

His Years in Jail

Please Note, This section has been removed by the Federal Government. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. Now, go eat a large bean suflé and watch some Archibald the Koala.

-Big Brother / George W. Butt

More Coming Soon

Said the eight headed octopus with the jackal in his mouth.

Recent Activity

Zach has recently been working on a thesis that will end world hunger. Instead of giving out food, his thesis will require the destruction of the earth, and relocation of 5 random people to Venus. These people will be assimilated by the Borg, and thus will end all hunger. Unfortunately, Zach's plan has already been turned down by the Federal Government three times. Due to this, he has altered his plan to prevent any government workers from being selected for assimilation. The plan is not finished yet, and will require a significant amount of research, including the problem of persuading Captain Jean-Luc Picard to aid in the assimilation. Hopefully Lieutenant Worf will understand.