The Problematics: ‘Old School’ at 20, In Which Depraved Frat Party Hijinks Extend Into Middle Age

When it opened in 2003, Old School was described in the trade bible Variety as “this year’s kinder, gentler Animal House.” 

Whoa. Did EVERY year have its own variant on Animal House? And were they all kinder and gentler? 

Not quite. But here at The Problematics, we’ve looked at a couple — Porky’s, Revenge of the Nerds. The latter of which, you may recall, outdid Animal House, a film that merely winked at statutory rape, by condoning actual rape, which is, um, something. 

Inasmuch as Old School, starring Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn, and Will Ferrell, put any twist on the depraved collegiate hijinks theme, did so by having the hijinks initiated by three fellows well past college age. Compelled, as men tend to be, to extend their adolescences. The former college buddies, now in their thirties and each in his own way in an alienated domestic situation, get very excited when straight-arrow real-estate lawyer Mitch (Wilson) rents a house not just near their old campus, but ON their old campus. 

Tamped-down party aficionado Beanie — Vince Vaughn, doing the Vince Vaughn Guy thing that he coasted through the first ten years of this century with — a successful home theater store entrepreneur, sees the place as a primo hedonist opportunity, and engages Snoop Dogg himself for the entertainment at a blowout that encompasses the house, the lawn, the street. (Interestingly, Snoop here covers Eric B. and Rakim’s immortal jam “Paid in Full” rather than performing one of his own hits.) Before the party, the third of these musketeers, Will Ferrell’s Frank, reassures his wife that this bash will not occasion the return of an alter ego called “Frank the Tank.” Soon enough Frank is parked under a keg surrounded by college kids chanting the nickname, and then he’s stripped naked and streaking through the hood.

Mitch has such a good time that he can’t remember said time the next morning when he wakes up in bed with a young blonde wearing the most adorable pink chemise and panties. He feels bad, but the girl, who first calls him “Rich,” assures him that it wasn’t nothing but a good time. She, Darcie, has got to get to class now! And the class is a high school class! (Speaking of winking at statutory rape.)

Oh, and then it transpires no-big-deal Darcie (Elisha Cuthbert) is actually Mitch’s boss’s daughter. Talk about illegal AND awkward. And then…well, pretty much nothing. There’s no consequence for Mitch, materially or karmically. It’s a dual throwaway gag, designed to raise an eyebrow, or a hackle, and then be dispensed with. (Although who knows what an earlier cut might have shown. Old School clocks in at a ruthless — and maybe haters would say merciful — 90 minutes even, and some continuity glitches suggest heavy editing, as does the only seconds-long presence of Fargo fave Harve Presnell, whose supporting cast credit in the opening titles suggests a heftier role.)  

This is a disquieting comedic red herring. An adult male character has blackout sex with an underage woman and endures zero consequences. Statutory rape in real life is not something to be condoned, obviously, and it does not speak well of the filmmakers that they use it as a story component in this way. 

As for the question of how the attitude towards this scenario might inspire like-minded behavior in audience members? Well, of course art does affect real life, and twisted people can let it affect them in destructive ways. The ostensible corrosiveness of our culture is more dependent on the way we process “content” than “content” itself, maybe. Because the Darcie business is so readily dispensed with, we can only conclude that it’s there for purposes of that old Hollywood standby, sheer titillation. That said — having seen Old School in a theater back in the day, I can semi-confidently assert that no one in attendance necessarily left the theater intent on emulating Luke Wilson’s character. It would require a very particular concatenation of circumstances in any case. On the other hand, my college friends and I did organize a toga party about two weeks after seeing Animal House in the summer of ’78. What are you gonna do? 

The brisk plot machinations really get roiling when Jeremy Piven shows up. Once nicknamed “Cheese” by the cooler fellas, he is now a Dean at the campus, and he’s determined to get them out of the house. He’s fulfilling the William Atherton spoiler position from Ghostbusters. At first reluctant, Mitch acquiesces to Beanie’s scheme to push back against Piven by incorporating the place as a frat house. They then enlist a few central-casting misfits — old guy, fat guy, nerdy guy (more than one nerdy guy maybe, but one of them is played by future Big Bang Theory and Annette costar Simon Helberg) — to fill out its ranks. The exercise gives Mitch more confidence. 

But he’s divided — he has an adult crush on a former schoolmate played by Ellen Pompeo, and hijinks are inhibiting that pursuit. And then it turns out supposed horndog Beanie is actually a faithful family man, turning down the advances of a coed with whom he’d been doing whippets. (As it happens, the wife Beanie won’t cheat on is played by Leah Remini, so one gets Beanie’s point, much as Kevin James’ character did on The King of Queens.)  Although why you’d do whippets with a coed platonically is kind of beyond me. And even though Frank the Tank wrecks his marriage, it kinda looks like he hadn’t been meant for that kind of union anyway. 

Old School was written by Court Crandall and Scott Armstrong and Todd Phillips and directed by Phillips, whose second fictional directorial effort this was. While some of the hazing stuff in this picture — there’s a bit about a rope with a heavy cinder block tied to one end and the pledge’s penis tied to the other — was inspired by his harrowing 1998 documentary Frat House, Old School doesn’t have the, um, edge that future Joker auteur Phillips would develop as a director. (The most outrageous gag, killing off two of the movie’s primary “villains,” occurs in a box at the side of the screen during the end credits.) The homophobia of the bits in which Andy Dick plays an oral sex instructor, and when Seann William Scott’s petting zoo supervisor recoils at getting tongue from Frank while giving him mouth to mouth resuscitation, is presented with something resembling indifference. A stark contrast to the freak-show transphobia of The Hangover Part 2. (But it’s homophobic nonetheless.) Phillips himself has a cameo in the movie, early on, asking Mitch “Am I late for the gang bang?” because Mitch’s girlfriend Heidi (Juliette Lewis), who thought Mitch would be out of town, is throwing one. 

All in all, Old School is more “meh” and product-like than genuinely objectionable. And it is an excellent source of naked Will Ferrell. Both he and Vaughn clearly showed up to get laughs, and every now and again, they do. 

Veteran critic Glenn Kenny reviews‎ new releases at RogerEbert.com, the New York Times, and, as befits someone of his advanced age, the AARP magazine. He blogs, very occasionally, at Some Came Running and tweets, mostly in jest, at @glenn__kenny. He is the author of the acclaimed 2020 book Made Men: The Story of Goodfellas, published by Hanover Square Press.