Old Man And The See: Young Helen Mirren and Her Birthday Suit Make Quite The Splash in ‘Age of Consent’

Australian artist Norman Lindsay was never afraid or ashamed of his work being deemed too sexy or scandalous. The voluptuous and Rubenesque nude beauties that occupied his paintings were of such great J.O. material that when his wife tried to find a safe haven for some of them in the United States of America, they “were confiscated and burned as pornography.” Mr. Lindsay probably wouldn’t be too ashamed of the J.O. material that beCAME of the soft and breezy 1969 big screen adaptation of his 1938 semi-autobiographical book Age of Consent (which itself had 6 minutes of “racy” scenes excised from its original U.S. and U.K. releases).

The story goes like this: Artist Bradley Morahan (James Mason) is ready to escape the bright lights of the big loud city and trade them in for soothing tropical landscapes more akin to the ones Gauguin captured in Tahiti, scraggly beard and all! Morahan/Mason finds this peace and quiet on an Australian isle on the Great Barrier Reef (shot on location!)… and easy on the eyes inspiration in a naive island beauty. The beauty is Cora (Helen Mirren), who’ll do anything for a dollar. Quit those dirty thoughts you perv! She won’t do THOSE things for a dollar. She’s too young! She hasn’t quite racked up enough years needed to reach the film’s title… yet!

Artist Mason ain’t feeling them perv nerves neither… yet! He just wants Mirren to pose nude for him so he can truly create great art. Yeah right! You know where this is all headed – will this coral reef become an ORAL brief!?!?!? (Oddly, Mirren is sub-credited as a “member of the Royal Shakespeare Company” – cause, you know, she’s a serious actor… serious about taking her clothes off!). Director Michael Powell‘s artsy-skin flick ping-pongs back and forth in a will they/won’t they volley that plays itself silly until it comes to a kinda satisfying cliff-hangerish end. Wait, how is this trifle of a movie from the same guy that gave us the brilliant The Red Shoes and Black Narcissus? It’s more like his Peeping Tom, only with more peeping and less of everything else.

But you didn’t come here for the articles a story, did you? Good, because the story that’s sandwiched in-between all of the Mirren’s nude scenes (now un-cut and restored in all their glory that the director intended) isn’t all that strong, or interesting, (or well edited together – this is still a movie review, innit?). There are other people on the island (Mirren’s drunken granny, and some redheaded lady who tries to rape an annoying male acquaintance of Mason’s), but you’ll wish they were all lost at sea, leaving us with nothing but 106 minutes of Helen, nude on the beach, Helen, nude and playing in the water, and Helen, nude, doing other beachy-peachy things (sadly there was no volleyball net).

Consent was one of Mirren’s first big “showy” roles, and what it shows (along with her first ever role) is that from yesterday to today she’s never stopped being sexy. Now a grand Dame, but she’s always been hot DAMN!!! What a body of work she has given us! And what a body she was given… and given us!! Long may you reign!

Thighmaster is full time master of thighs, and editor-in-CHEF of ThighsWideShut.org, an organization based out of Thighland. In his free time he eats fried chicken, and runs street teams to promote the greatness of David Fincher’s Zodiac, and the greatness of the Zardoz trailer.

Where to stream Age Of Consent