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You can’t say we didn’t warn you. We told you that you’d be obsessed with Outlander. So, from now on, we’re going to be recapping every episode of Outlander, but we’re going to cut to the chase. We’re not going to give you treatises on what’s historically accurate or ruminate what an awesome female character Claire (Caitriona Balfe) is. We’re not even going to debate who is hotter: Jamie (Sam Heughan) or Frank (Tobias Menzies). We’re going to keep it simple and answer your three burning questions:

1) Did Claire & Jamie Bone Yet?

No. They still haven’t even kissed.

2) What Were The 3 Hottest Moments?

Well, while Jamie and Claire have neither boned nor kissed yet, they did touch.

See, the MacKenzie clan went on the road to collect rents, but what Dougal (Graham McTavish) and Jamie were really doing was rallying monetary support for the Jacobean rebellion. That just means they were asking people for money so they could raise an army to defeat the British — which is something that Claire knows will fail.

Anyway, at one inn on their journey, the Scotsmen were drunk, so Jamie slept outside Claire’s door. She tripped on him. He refused to come in for the night. They flirted awkwardly. She gave him her blanket. It was sexy.

Also, Jamie was shirtless a lot during this episode and that was nice…

…but it was also not-so-nice…

3) What Were The Not-So-Hot Scenes?

Okay, so what’s fascinating about this week is that some of the scenes that should have been the hottest were also not-so-hot. Jamie didn’t take his shirt off because he wanted to show off his great abs. Dougal guilted him into showing various Scottish clansmen and random villagers his scars so that they would sympathize with their cause and give more money.

Let’s just say that neither Jamie nor Claire were thrilled with this.
It was kind of sad and embarrassing. Oh, and Dougal tried to get Claire to mend Jamie’s shirt, but he wasn’t feeling it.

Other not so hot moments included a bunch of women working on wool that was covered in hot pee and three Scotsmen who were brutally executed and hung up on the roadside without a funeral. I didn’t think you wanted me to gif any of that.

In Conclusion…

While “The Rent” didn’t give us anything in the way of hot sex scenes, we did get to see more of the picturesque Scottish countryside. Claire made a friend in an old Glaswegian lawyer and we also learned that the MacKenzie clan is planning to join the ultimately doomed plot to put Bonny Prince Charlie back on the throne.

Oh, and Claire almost got Jamie in her bedroom. That’s progress.

Outlander returns next Saturday and it looks like the British are coming! But will anyone else be?

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Photos: Starz